Disconnect

It's really funny how the world works. While the internet is now a commodity most of us can access, disconnecting from it has become a luxury few of us could afford.

The rise of social media is the biggest culprit. We have become hooked to the rush of dopamines from every newsfeed refresh. We have grown afraid to miss any updates. Everyday we allow ourselves to be bombarded.

For me, it usually starts with a visit to my Facebook newsfeed:

...someone's wedding picture
...an NBA highlights video
...the new review of Macbook Air
...some weird story about a dancing cat from Yahoo
...news posts about the stock market slump
...open other interesting things in new tabs.

Right when I'm about to go over to the tabs, new comments on the photo I just posted pop up as notifications. A few minutes later, somebody messages me. I post a short reply, then go back to my newsfeed. I click on a college friend's vacation album. A parade of likes.

Everyday, an accumulation of these activities from one visit to Facebook can already eat up close to an hour. Since most of us access Facebook multiple times a day everyday, we're looking at a significant chunk of time here.

It's not just an issue of time. Recent psychological studies have shown that seeing updates from friends often cause more pain than pleasure, because in the social media world all we see is everybody's best foot forward. A paraphrased quote from Psychology Today: "In the social media world, we're comparing our real selves to others' advertisements of themselves." Facebook is digital mascochism, yet it weirdly feels good. Worse, it's not enough for most of us. The more we update, the more we want to keep updating.

After my Facebook feed is exhausted, I go and check Twitter. Even faster real-time updates. Open even more new tabs. So many interesting things from people I follow. The feed is endless, so I move on.

Next stop, Tumblr. Browse images and gifs quickly. Like and open new tabs again. My brain is starting to hurt from the deluge, yet I cannot stop. Type 'linkedin.com' on my browser. The semblance of work somehow lessens the guilt. View top posts from the influencers. So-and-so has a new job. Like some posts. Read some articles.

By then, my brain has turned into a chaotic mush. I'm running out of websites to go. Yet I still. cannot. stop.

From the corner of my eye, the green blinking light of my phone invites me to pick it up. It's estimated that smartphone users on average check their phones 150 times a day. Seems like I'm no different, as I grab mine without hesitation. Open Instagram. New followers, new photos. More liking. Oh, somebody messaged on Wechat. There's an alert saying my Wechat feed has new updates too. Browse this first before replying to the message. While I type my reply, my phone vibrates again. Messages from Whatsapp and Viber.

I want to reply now, but I wonder what happened to the Facebook world since I left it 30 minutes ago. Type f-a-...

I repeat the cycle. Many times a day, everyday.

It's ironic how being so connected is starting to make us disconnected. After browsing our newsfeeds, what do we have left? Although we hardly notice, most of the small updates we come across everyday end up as meaningless chunks in our brain, too small to produce insight yet big enough to take up cognitive load. They severely shorten our attention spans and even dull our memories. Using social networks is indeed a perfect example of high in-moment happiness but little remembered happiness. The small bits of information mostly vanish, like grains of sand which all just slide from our fingers.

What our minds need to build on are boulders of information, big blocks which have staying power - movies, books, online courses, creative projects. But since they are a lot more difficult to take in compared to social media updates, the only way to engage with these longer form content is to disconnect once in a while. To reverse the inertia of constant updating.

I admit that it's very hard to do. Social media feels good precisely because it's the easiest way to feed our thirst for the new. We're naturally curious to discover the latest and greatest, especially about groups of people we care about. For the first time ever, social media afford us that privilege. Anytime, anywhere, always just a few clicks away.

There's no escaping social media; it's the defining phenomenon of our time. I still think that a world with social media is at least slightly better off than a world without it. As with most things, moderation is the way forward. In my case, I have no choice during the weekdays since my job is tied to it. But during weekends, I always try to resist the temptation of opening my whatever feed, and instead engage in long-form activities like reading a book or watching a movie. And what a pleasure it is. It's so liberating not having to click 'Like' on yet another senseless meme, or getting tempted to refresh the newsfeed for the 30th time.

Being offline frees me up to meet people, shop, do some sports, and collect my thoughts. I'm constantly surprised at how much I can do simply by disconnecting. In fact, I feel like I'm more productive during weekends than on weekdays when I'm hyperconnected. Disconnecting enables me to think real thoughts, post them in blog entries, and come to terms with an oft-forgotten paradox: To disconnect is often the best way to truly connect.